Friday, August 03, 2007

4 yrs old, here we come...

Well, as Caitlyn fastly approaches 4, I set into my birthday depression...Caitlyn's birthday is the hardest for me. It is so hard to see the other 4 yr olds playing and talking. It is even harder at times to see 2 and 3 yr olds that have already passed my daughters developmental levels. Caitlyn is amazing in her own way, I know...And she continues to make strides. In fact, just the other day she walked up a grass incline for the first time all by herself! I love to see her make advances in her development. But every year when her birthday is coming around, I morn the loss of the typical stuff. My friend's all tell me what their 4 yr olds are doing, and all the funny things they say. I know they are excited, and don't get me wrong, they have every right to be and I don't mind that they share their excitement with me. I still struggle with it all. Last year and this year have been the hardest. Before finding out she had Rett Syndrome, she was simply "delayed" and it was much easier to deal with the missed milestones, because we had so much hope of her catching up! At 2, she had finally mastered the sign for "more" and this was huge for us. She loved to color and still had very precise hand use. Then all of the sudden she turned 3, and she had Rett Syndrome, and all she did was chew on things, and didn't color any more. She could still feed herself with help, and was learning to walk up stairs. Now, she is going to be 4 on Sunday. She still can't talk, (tho says the cutest momma you'd ever hear with these drawn out m's that comes out as mmmmmmuumma. so adorable!!) She struggles with her hands every day, and struggles with siezures. She is my beautiful angel girl, and I love her like crazy, but I am struggling still with the acceptance of seeing typically developing children pass her more and more.

We will celebrate Caitlyn's birthday quietly, with a trip to the Olympic Game Farm in Sequim, WA. We are excited for this family time, and think Caitlyn will really enjoy herself. I continue to know that she is who she is, and will continue to surprise us with all she can do. I ofcourse, still don't forget that my little girl isn't a typical little girl, and I wont get to brag to others about the funny things she said as she opened her gifts. She can't even do that herself...But still, I lover her.


Kelly, Brooklyns mom said...

I think only other Rett mom's can completely understand how yo uare feeling. Belive me, I do! I can imagine it only gets harder each year. Since Brooklyn is only 2, her "peers" are just starting to really pass her up. But man are they and it sucks!
It is funny the things we get excited about vs what "other" moms get excited about. I am thrilled for you and the milesones Caitlyn is reaching!!!
I find myself getting jealous of you becasue you hear a special version of momma. That seems like such a weird jealousy I'm sure. But that is who we are moms to these very special girls. Thank you for your helps me to know there are other moms out there with my feelings too. What did we do before blogs????
Give her a great big birthday hug for me too!

Anonymous said...

Not just the Rett Moms, Kelly.

I completely understood Rebecca's term "birthday depression" as soon as I read it.

What should be a happy time for all parents is made sad through the loss that Rett brings.

Neville (Husband of Jayne, Dad to Jessica)